Off late I come across many people with serious relationship issues. Even worse is that they are not doing anything about it. Sometimes these relationships involve two people in a marriage living under the same roof but living different lives. I need to mention here that I am writing this article through my experiences and what I have learnt by interacting with many people be it my friends, clients or acquaintances. Off late I am seeing many relationships or specifically marriages breaking down for reasons which could have been avoided. Some of the things I feel one can do in case they need to strengthen their relationship are –
Work on your relationship: Like anything else one needs to work on one’s relationship. Nothing is perfect in this world and all of us have our vices which will tick of the other person. If one feels that the relationship is important then he/she will never take things for granted but will at least walk half the bridge. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires sacrifices, attention and care. It helps to think of your relationship as a living thing in itself. Like all living things it needs nourishment and protection, healing when it is sick and space to grow and flourish.
Think ahead and do not take things for granted: You need to be vigilant against things that might threaten any relationship. This does not only include the obvious things like temptation but the subtle things like imbalances in responsibility and duty, comparisons to others, jealousy and so on. It means you need to nourish your relation with thoughtfulness for each other’s needs, find time together and sometimes even time apart. It means when things are going wrong you need to stop and think about how you can improve them and perhaps what sacrifices you need to make. It means that a relationship needs to go forward, change as you both change and to grow stronger.
Do not leave anything unsaid: I remember talking to a potential Client about a couple of weeks back who had everything one would desire but was in a lifeless relationship or to be precise in a marriage for more than two decades. He mentioned there were too many things unsaid in his marriage which over the period of time had become an impenetrable glass door. No matter how long two people have known each other there will still be things that they don’t pick up when unspoken. Sure you may think your partner knows what you’re thinking, but what if they don’t? I believe that never to go to bed carrying an unresolved issue in the mind. Even a small thing as forgiving a person(in the mind) before retiring for the day will go in a long way in making things better from the next day.
Watch your tone: Most of the things can be pleasant or unpleasant just by the tone of the voice. I have come across far too many people who do not focus on the tone of their voice and this plays a critical role in way things are put across. If you have something to say whether it is to voice a concern, to show that you care or anything else then you must speak plainly and softly for the other person to understand. If you were hoping for them to not to understand then it’s better to keep quite. Keeping quite does not mean stonewalling which is worst thing one can do in a relationship. Stonewalling is when a partner simply shuts the other out, going silent, ignoring them or even leaving for a time. Stonewalling has obvious consequences of frustration and anger. This quickly leads to cycles of increasing problems as one person stonewalls while the other becomes more and more frustrated. This will get into a vicious circle. It’s better to work on your tone and get your points across in a subtle way.
Accept your partner: When I come across this question especially with some very young people I always tell them to accept their partner. Never get into a relationship to change them to your liking. Trying to change a person never works. People know when they are not accepted in their entirety and it hurts. I have learnt over the years that one shouldn’t go into a marriage or a relationship thinking to change someone. If you do remember, the most you can do is explain what it is, explain how it affects you or why it affects you. If it’s important then they may change. If they don’t then think about all the things that they may wish to change about you. If there are too many things you want to change it is important to face that he/she may not be the right person for you or you may be expecting too much. People will be what they will be. Spending the most important part of your life trying to shift habits and personalities is like trying to push boulders up a mountain – tiring and not fun at the end of the day.End of the day it is you who needs to decide if its worth the effort.
Make Time for Both Your Ambitions and Goals. It is all too easy to focus on your own goals and hope or even assume that your partner shares them. If you don’t know what your partner’s life goals are then ask them and help them with their goals. The solution is of course balance. Somewhere you will need to ensure that you find the middle ground for both your goals and work in tandem to ensure that each other is not put down.
Spend time together: I always believe that a couple which spends time together has got a brighter chance to work on things. Of course spending time together doesn’t simply mean being in the same room. It means actively finding time where you engage with each other. Doing some kind of exercise together can do wonders to strengthen a faltering relationship. It may even take work and effort but remember a happy relationship takes time and effort. They say Rome was not built in a day and it is the same with Relationships. It’s equally important not to be trampled over. You should always be clear and assertive about your own feelings, your own needs and your own goals. Remember that your own happiness is essential and important in a healthy relationship.
I have seen too many people losing focus in their life as they are not able to manage their relationships. The relationships I have mentioned might in your case be your spouse, friend, partner or anybody but the truth is that the points we have discussed above will help you find a vision or goal posts in the right direction. In case you do not agree with the points I have mentioned or have some additional inputs through your experience feel free to post a message on my Facebook Fan page or write to me on coach@satishrao.in