I come across people who feel they are extremely shy be it with their clients, business associates or at times even with their family which affects them in a big way. Many of us know that making a positive impression is extremely important. I realized that those who are shy tend to be introverts and eventually miss out on connecting with people. This eventually leads to missing out on creating opportunities.
However I will say something which might surprise you. Everyone in the world is shy and not confident even when doing something they are good at. However most of them overcome this feeling every time they set their mind to it. Over the years I have heard people tell me that I was extremely confident during meetings or presentations. I look back and can’t stop laughing because actually i am not. People who know me for a long time know me as an extremely shy person. I have overcome this by the sheer force of will and nothing else. I am telling you this is to impress upon each one of you that if I could overcome my own shyness then I do not see any reason as to why would you have to be chained to this. When I see people who are extremely confident and highly socially skilled, I try to get to know how they have managed to achieve that state so easily. Over the years I have inferred from meeting many such wonderful people that they are shy but never stop themselves from working on it. if shyness is making you miss out on any opportunities in life be it the coveted designation, corner office or even a date with your dream person then given below are some of the thing you could work on to begin with –
Introduce yourself: This sounds simple but this is the mistake most of us do, especially in a social gathering or even at times in an informal situation. How many times has somebody forgotten to introduce you at a get together? Our little shy alter-ego tells us at this point that no one wants to know our name. We should just keep quiet and continue to exist in the get together. However If you can put on a big smile and introduce yourself to everybody with a warm handshake (if appropriate), it make’s all the difference in breaking the ice. This is what is required to get the ball rolling.
Don’t be overwhelmed by other’s story: When someone is too brash about their own story, be it about their latest designation or how good their job is, it never leaves a good impression in us. The idea that we are not socially worthy rears its ugly head. A humble but accurate description when asked is all that is needed and if you make people feel good about themselves that’s the best social qualifier of all.
Listen more and try to talk less: We all know that a good communicator is the one who listens more and talks less. Ask some intelligent questions. This will make someone to connect with you instantly. It is a habit which one needs to develop over a period of time. I have worked extensively on this over the years and found it to be most productive.
Complement others: I’m not suggesting you compliment someone for the sake of it, but if you genuinely like something then go ahead and tell them! Everyone loves a compliment. It starts conversations and gives people confidence. A genuine compliment will never fail to create a generous atmosphere. The Easiest thing to do now since most of the discussion has moved on to social media is to compliment someone genuinely and see the magic unfold in front of you. I do not let go of any opportunity to compliment people. This has made a tremendous difference to me and to other people.
Think of others: Well it is a different strategy which you can use once in awhile. When in social situations stop thinking about yourself and think about the other people there. If someone wants to join your conversation then make it easy for them. Introduce people to one another. In short get out of your head and make sure that others are having a good time. They will be truly grateful and you’ll be distracted from your own nerves! What has worked for me over the years will surely make a big impact with you as well.
Eventually overcoming shyness is definitely in the head. The idea is to keep on working on it till such time you succeed.Perseverance plays a big role especially in working on this trait. Only by stepping up every time one falls down, will you be able to look at shyness in the eye and laugh at it like how I do now.
I sincerely hope that these words in my Blog have touched upon the chord of shyness which you were trying to overcome. As always i will look forward to hearing from you on this topic on my Face book Fan page or coach@satishrao.in