How To Develop Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is one of the things that determines the quality of your life.

It can be defined as one’s ability to experience a full range of emotions from delight to grief without losing your head.

Over the years, I’ve worked with many people and there’s been one common trend I’ve noticed…

Most people are stuck emotionally and just can’t get ahead in their life.

They aren’t happy with their current life situation. They have an idea of what they want in their head.

But for some reason, they aren’t able to make progress towards what they want.

They feel stuck and the same story continues over and over again.

Let me give you a real example…

Person A makes a commitment to losing weight and joins a gym. He also creates a moderately effective diet plan that he wants to follow.

And he begins following them religiously day after day.

He somehow manages to stick to the diet and exercise plan for 5 – 7 days.

And then there’s a sudden project at work that he’s got to take care of at all costs.

He chooses to skip the workout and buys some junk food from the food court at the office.

2 days pass because of his hectic schedule.

On the 10th day, he doesn’t find the motivation to begin the plan again.

A few more weeks pass by and then he realizes that his health is down the drain and he desperately needs to get back on track.

So he starts all over again, continues the plan for 5 – 7 days, gives up due to something else.

And then he starts over all again.

Consciously, it seems like he’s doing something productive. He’s at least working out every now and then.

But when you look at the situation from a bigger perspective, you’ll find that he really hasn’t done much.

He’s just built a new habit of Start, Stop, Start, and Stop.

To be honest – he isn’t making any progress towards his goal at all.

“Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.” – George Santayana

That’s what this is – fanatic insanity… which makes you feel stuck and helpless.

And what’s the solution?

Emotional Maturity

Almost all athletes who perform at the highest levels consistently learn to manage their emotions.

And if you compare them to the ones who perform every now and then, you’ll find that they are poor at managing their emotions.

It’s the same thing with you.

Emotionally mature people don’t lose focus on their goals. They learn to balance short-term goals against long-term goals.

In the example above, the work project is a short-term goal whereas the gym and diet plan is a long-term goal.

Not completing the work project could result in serious consequences.

At the same time, not following the diet plan and gym is disastrous in the long-term (although it seems like you’re just missing a day).

An emotionally mature person would ensure that such a situation never turns up.

… And even if it does turn up, he’d have prioritized work and still put in a short 15 minute workout right at his office.

Instead of eating junk food, he’d have grabbed some fruits on his way to work and eaten them.

Now on the 10th day when he wants to get back to his exercise and diet plan, he is able to because he hasn’t lost his momentum.

And if you can do just that, you’ve mastered the secret to becoming a great success.

The reason I use the word emotion because maturity is not an intellectual thing.  Humans have an intellect but we aren’t intellectual beings.

We falsely assume that every decision we take is using our head. It’s not.

Every single action we take is a response to an emotion – to some kind of hormone that’s secreted in our body.

With that said, here are a few sure-fire strategies you can use to become emotionally mature…

Practice Gratitude:

One can never succeed one one’s own. You need the help of others to become a great success in anything.

Even if you’re a solopreneur, you’ll still need the help of other people to leverage things effectively.

Gratitude is one of those emotions that allows you to bypass short-term goals and gives you a big picture view.

Take some time every day and show appreciation to anyone who’s directly or indirectly helping you to achieve your goals.

Just write down 3 things you are grateful for each night before you go to bed. Feel the emotion.

Don’t overdo it. Just a few moments spent each day will help develop this muscle of maturity.

Learn To Honour Your Commitments:

Commitment is a muscle that grows as you use it more and more often.

Commitment and motivation are two faces of the same coin.

People who are committed motivate themselves to get the job done no matter what.

Those who aren’t committed struggle to motivate themselves to do what they need to do.

Your ability to commit yourself to a certain cause and stick to it at all costs is VERY important.

… Because that’s the only behaviour that will force you to keep going even when you aren’t sure if your actions will pay off.

It will carry you through difficult times and will ensure you move forward even during the good times.

Without commitment, it’s impossible to make consistent progress towards any goal you want.

But with commitment, one can even move mountains.

Going back to your original purpose, your original aim and recommitting yourself is the best way to get started again.

Practice Empathy:

In the above example, I was only talking about a person with a fitness related goal.

But when you look at most of our goals, you’ll find that most goals require us to work with other people.

We need to connect with others and give them what they want so we can get what we want.

… And in order to succeed in that, empathy is an important behaviour that one needs to master.

Empathy is your ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes deeply and actually understand where they’re coming from.

Empathy allows you to:

– Communicate effectively

– Motivate other people better

– Be a better leader

The fastest way to develop empathy is to listen. Listen to more people and have them open up.

Ask them questions and ask them more often and listen to them. And as they speak, learn to keep your mouth shut.

Then recall whatever they said and put yourself in their shoes. Imagine yourself living and going through what they just said.

… And then you’ll have mastered the 3rd secret to emotional maturity.

If you’re looking to master emotional maturity and take your life to the next level, go here right now…

Strategy Call

Besides working with clients 1 on 1, I also engage with corporate teams through my In-Person Group Coaching Sessions.

During these sessions, I help teams develop empowering habits that enable them to be more

  • Committed
  • Empathetic
  • Co-operative

If you’re an executive who is looking to improve your team’s performance, go here right now to get in touch with me…

Strategic Intervention

Yours Sincerely,

Satish Rao