It is a fact that most of us at some point of time have become judgemental towards others, be it either positive or negative. Let’s accept the fact that it is human to be judgemental and all of us have either been judged or have passed judgement on others. Often, I have noticed that being judgemental is not useful, especially in relationships.
Think about passing Judgement on a person whom you know well. We see something they do and get angry or get disappointed in the person. At times we even end up thinking worse about them. We judge without understanding. We don’t try to find out more. We don’t see that communication is essential to understand and through understanding we can begin to build a bridge between two human beings.
Sometimes when we see someone, we pass judgment on them based on their looks or actions. Not good judgment, either. Usually this is done without even knowing the person. That’s usually the extent of our interaction with that person. We don’t make an effort to get to know the person or understand them.
Can you build a bridge with every single person you meet? Probably not! That takes time and effort, two things we’re usually short on anyways. What I’ve found is that by taking that extra bit of time can make a huge difference going forward.
What I have learnt on avoiding being judgemental and worked on before getting into full time coaching are –
Don’t pass judgement:
If you do find yourself being judgemental stop yourself. Being aware of your thoughts and actions is the first step in working towards self improvement. It is critical to be self aware. As a first step begin to notice your thoughts for a few days and if required write it down. Nowadays it’s become easier with the smart phones available and probably as I type this, an application is being developed for it. By being observant on your thoughts you will invariably find answers for lot of your actions and thought process. Once I began doing this exercise I realised that I was pretty judgemental on many people and started accepting them as they were.
Instead of being judgemental of people, try to make a sincere effort in trying to understand people by imagining yourself in their shoes. This will give you an opportunity to see people from a different perspective and also connect with them in a better way. Earlier when someone was rude to me or used to ignore me, I used to get upset. However once I began the process of understanding them by making a sincere effort to think like them then I began to understand better as to why they did behave like that. Working on this habit has been critical now since I work with so many people across continents and I have to always ensure that I understand people I work with.
Once you understand the person, the next important thing according to me is to accept the person as he or she is. No one can change a person unless the person himself/herself wants to change for the better. Once you accept that the person has been like this for many years, it is imperative that you as a person accept him/her the way they are. I come across this many a time in discussions with my clients as to why can’t make a person change his behaviour when it is causing heartburn. Unless the behaviour is extremely demeaning or negative I usually tell people to accept the person as they are and work round it. Usually we tend to get more frustrated when we try to change people too much and notice that we are heading towards a dead end. The world is what it is and as much as you and I try, you can only change a little bit of it. It will continue to be as it is long after we have gone. Accept that otherwise, you’re in for a world of frustration.
Once you accept the person for what he/she is then the next concluding step is to Love them. Yes you did read it right “Love them”. Haven’t you read the adage Love can move Mountains…. it can bring in a humongous change in a person if you unconditionally Love him/her as a wife, husband, friend, neighbour, boss or whatever the relationship. Once you begin to just look at a person with an unconditional feeling of compassion then there is a magic which is created between you two and the Law of the universe does play its role to a large extent. Finally what good will loving someone do? Your love will likely only be limited, but it could have an effect on two people: yourself and possibly on the person you’ve found love for. Loving others will serve to make you happier. Trust me on this one. Loving others can change the lives of others only if you choose to express that love and take action on it. I can’t guarantee what will happen but it can be life-changing for sure.
For me being non judgemental is the most important criteria, especially when interacting with clients and working with them in dealing with the most important areas of their lives. Most of the times I try to make a sincere effort towards being non judgemental and it has made a world of difference to me. I do not see any reason as to why it cannot make a huge difference in your respective lives as well.
As usual I would like to hear from you on your thoughts as to how the learning’s from this article has made you to think differently. You can mail me on my mail id firstname.lastname@example.org or feel free to post a comment on my face book fan page www.facebook.com/B.N.Satishrao.